kristi spyder’s blog

{what can I say, i'm a girl}

nobody@vox.com(Kristi Spyder) — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 06:40:22 -0800

And I like all females reserve the right to change my mind.  And I have.  I have gone back
to word press.  Yes, I know how I bitched, but there it is.  They released a new version and
it seems better.  So Eclecticizm
is now up and running again.  And as you can tell from this post and the last, VOX's
interface has gone wonky.

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{chemistry}

nobody@vox.com(Kristi Spyder) — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 14:55:52 -0800

Life is interesting.  I have been taking anti-anxiety drugs for about 2 years or so.  The last time I ran out I forgot to get them refilled (let's hear it for the ADD/dyslexia addled mind!).  And a funny thing happened.  Suddenly, I was thinking more clearly.
Suddenly I was feeling more creative.  Suddenly I was afraid to take these drugs that I thought were getting me through
the day because I felt better without them.  What do you do about that?  I am not one of these people who think it is
a sign of weakness to take advantage of better living though chemistry.  I am one of those people who thinks that if you
have to take 12 pills to make the day look brighter, then by all means do it!!  Life is too short to live miserably.  I am
also one of those people who will thump you on the head if you stop taking your meds because you just don't want to
anymore.

Am I one of those people now?

I just turned 40, maybe my body chemistry is finally going to normalize. It would't surprise me. My chemistry has always
seemed to have a mind of it's own. Never reads the text books, dosen't care what it SHOULD be doing. Bit cheeky it is.

So there you have it. I am the person who wanted to have "Better Living Through Chemistry" tattooed on her arm, and
now I am finding that sometimes it is all about moderation.

Did I say that?

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{the big four oh}

nobody@vox.com(Kristi Spyder) — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 09:51:19 -0800

I spell it out like that so it doesn't really look like the age that shall not be named. I know I shouldn't be bothered. It is nothing but a number. I don't look the age that shall not be named. I don't think I act that old either. Although I am not exactly sure how you are supposed to act. But I have it seems fallen in to a small pit of despair over it. You know, here I am the age that shall not be named and what have I done? And I know that where I am in life doesn't have anything to do with age. I know that. But it seems that bothers me anyway. And I know I am going to be 41 and I can be right where I am or I can be where I want to be. Of course that extends the thought that I know where I want to be. I sort of do. It is some nebulous place where I am doing something creative and I am happy and fulfilled. Of course there again that leads you to believe that I know what it feels like to be fulfilled. I am not sure I do.

Anyway

I turn the age that shall not be named on Saturday.

Happy birthday to me.

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QotD: A Life-Changing Work of Art

nobody@vox.com(Kristi Spyder) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 09:03:32 -0800

What work of art (film, book, record, whatever) changed your life?
Submitted by bodhibound.

That would have to be "Up to the Roof" by Blue Man Group. It really describes how I feel about myself. How I think the best part of me sees the world. I often wish I had the courage to really take the fire escape up to the roof. I have to a certain extent realized that my goals in life are not necessarily what other peoples are. My inner landscape is really more important to me that the landscape most everyone sees. Not to say I am a total new ager. I can be as shallow as the next person. I am a creative being. Feeling creatively fulfilled really matters to me.

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{we are here to drink beer}

nobody@vox.com(Kristi Spyder) — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 15:35:12 -0800

I have had this on my live journal for a while now. I love it so I am going to post it here.

"For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered.

But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written.

We adjust to new conditions and discoveries.

We are pliable.

Love need not be a command or faith a dictum.

I am my own God.

We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system.

We are here to drink beer.

We are here to kill war.

We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us." ~ Charles Bukowski

Also I stumbled across something I wrote a while ago. I like it so I am going to post it here as well. Call it a self pimp. It is a fanfiction poem. It is from the buffyverse. Spike's point of view. At the point this would be pertinent he has been chipped by a secret government program and thus can't attack humans anymore without a stabbing pain in his head. I kinda see it as a inner monologue sort of thing. I always imagined that his inner monologue has much more of his denied poet that he would have liked anyone to know. In my mind this takes place after some random conversation with the scoobies about why someone would want be a vamp or some such thing. Enjoy.

Departure

by Kristispyder (or rather the Spike living in my head)

They haven’t figured it out.

It is right in front of their faces and they can’t seem to

understand the need.

The ecstasy that never seems to be fulfilled.

The awesome revelation that comes over you the moment

your mouth fills with the liquid light.

And every time it is new.

If they knew they would be here.

They would be lining up to trade the pain for the aching need

that never really gets sated.

And still, it is so much better than what they have now.

Letting the slow spiral fall about you.

Losing yourself in the crimson.

The intoxication of the color.

Falling so much farther than the floor.

Knowing that it will have to end, and even in that there

is celebration.

It means this need - this delicious emptiness - will again

need to be filled.

And again and again and again.

It’s smelling the fear.

Dying to see that naked gleam in the eyes of the one you

have happened on in the night.

Or perhaps one that you have interwoven into your nights

for days or weeks or months.

Knowing you will soon know them more intimately

than any lover could have dared.

And for one brief moment they will know this bliss

and even after they have loosed this moral coil

they will long for that moment again.

And again and again and again.

They are fools

I know, because I have been there

On that precipice.

Between heaven and hell.

Between light and dark.

Knowing that blood is the Goddess and I will again

worship her with abandon.

Reveling in the endless flow.

The delicious agony of the hunt and the

unashamed anointment that follows.

I can still feel it falling into me.

Feel the pulse of the darkness

In my arms.

In my legs.

In my cock.

It’s departure is deafening.

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{it wasn't a good day}

nobody@vox.com(Kristi Spyder) — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 20:19:47 -0800

Cuddlekitty

Kisa

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QotD: A Long, Long Way From Home

nobody@vox.com(Kristi Spyder) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 13:25:22 -0800

Where is the farthest you have ever been away from home? Did you get homesick?
Submitted by Melissa.

We went to Alaska on our first cruise. It was magical, I recommend everyone see Alaska at least once. I didn't get homesick, but I did miss my kitties.

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{read? a book?}

nobody@vox.com(Kristi Spyder) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 17:18:29 -0800

Snaked from icecreamdays

These are the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing's users (as of 10/2/07). As usual, bold what you have read, italicize those you started but couldn't finish, and strike through what you couldn't stand. Add an asterisk to those you've read more than once. Underline those on your to-read list.

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell

Anna Karenina

Crime & Punishment

Catch - 22

One Hundred Years of Solitude

Wuthering Heights

The Silmarillion

Life of Pi : a novel

Don Quixote

The Name of the Rose

Moby Dick

Ulysses

The Odyssey

Pride And Prejudice

Jane Eyre

A Tale of Two Cities

The Brothers Karamazov

Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies (This one just screams that I will want to go into a hole and hide after I read it - no thanks.)

War and Peace

Vanity Fair

The Time Traveler's Wife

The Iliad

Emma

The Kite Runner

The Blind Assassin

Mrs. Dalloway (When the movie "The Hours" came out I tried to find this everywhere. I never did.)

Great Expectations

American Gods

*Atlas Shrugged

Reading Lolita in Teheran : A Memoir in books

*Memoirs of a Geisha

Middlesex

Quicksilver

Wicked : the Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West

The Canterbury Tales (Read this in High School - don't ask me to remember any of it)

The Historian: A Novel

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

Love in the Time of Cholera

Brave New World

*The Fountainhead

Foucault's Pendulum

Middlemarch

Frankenstein

The Count of Monte Cristo

Dracula

A Clock Work Orange

Anasi Boys

The Once and Future King

The Grapes of Wrath ( Death before Steinbeck)

The Poisonwood Bible: A Novel

1984 ( Again, I read it in High School but I actually remember a lot of it)

Angels & Demons

The Inferno

The Satanic Verses

Sense and Sensibility

The Portrait of Dorian Gray

Mansfield Park

Once Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

To the Lighthouse

Tess of the D' Urbervilles

Olive Twist

Gulliver's Travels

Les Miserables

The Corrections

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the NIght-time

Dune

The Prince

The Sound and the Fury

Angela's Ashes: A Memoir

The God of Small Things

A People's History of the United States: 1942 - Present

Cryptonomicon

Neverwhere

A Confederacy of Dunces

A Short History of Nearly Everything

Dubliners

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Beloved

The Slaughterhouse Five

The Scarlett Letter

Eats, Shoots & Leaves

*The Mists of Avalon

Oryx and Crake : A Novel

Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed ( Again, I would be hunting for a hole )

Cloud Atlas

The Confusion

Lolita

Persuasion

Northanger Abbey

The Catcher in the Rye ( Any book that will get you on a government watch list I want to read)

On The Road

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Freakonomics: a Rouge Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an Inquiry Into Values ( We actually have this book, but I have never read it.)

The Aeneid

Watership Down ( What kind of female am I that I haven't read Watership Down? What kind of female am I that I don't want to?)

Gravity's Rainbow

The Hobbit

White Teeth

Treasure Island

David Copperfield

The Three Musketeers ( We have both movies, does that count?)

Well, this list shows me how really poorly read I am. I find a book I like and read it over and over. I am going to use this list as a reading list and actually use my library card.

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{my left arm}

nobody@vox.com(Kristi Spyder) — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 16:34:34 -0800

I have lost my left arm. I know that wouldn't make much difference to most people, but seeing as I am left handed, it could be a problem. Okay, now before you get all excited, I guess I should say that I feel like I lost my left arm. I lost my cell phone yesterday. It was a V3xx razor in gold. I loved that phone. I don't think I had had it a month. I am ALWAYS losing things. Sometimes I feel like I have a poltergeist following me around and hiding things from me. Bleh. Just Bleh.

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{defection}

nobody@vox.com(Kristi Spyder) — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 18:09:31 -0700

If you are wondering why I have suddenly switched blog providers (is that what I did?), I have found that I utterly hate the posting interface on wordpress. I posted the Halloween rules list on wordpress and it took me over an hour. I tried to cut and paste it. The spacing was all wonky. So I retyped it and when I posted it, it looked like the huge paragraph. The interface didn't register ONE of the breaks between the numbers. So I went in and coded them by hand. Okay, great. All fixed. Oops! Mispelled word. Fine, go back in and edit the post. Fix the misspelling and save and post. Guess what, it again looks like one big paragraph. Go back, recode the brakes by hand. Save. Dear god, I can't spell to save my life. Again, go in fix spelling. Save and post. Guess what? You guessed it, one big paragraph. This leads to screaming, yelling, and the dog looking at me like I am crazy. Hence, the new blog. I like it actually. I can put my favorite book, music, movies/TV on it. I also really like the Day of the Dead motif I have going on. I love Day of the Dead art, so there you go.

Day of the Dead Skull

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